Podcast Episodes

How Are You Showing Up? – with Kevin Gainey

How are you showing up in your sales calls and in life in general?

I was chatting with Kevin Gainey (Productivity Expert) about his work, and he shared that “I spoke with a group of financial advisors recently about who they are being and how they are showing up in sales calls, in meetings, and in their personal lives. I was honored and humbled by their responses. So it can definitely help entrepreneurs, especially as we require specific mindsets for different roles in biz and family life.”‘

Let’s take a deep dive with Kevin and talk about how you are showing up now, and how you want to show up for others.

Tobin Slaven 0:00

This is Book of Experts TV, I'm your host Tobin Slaven, we're back today, I'm excited to have this conversation because our guest is going to be talking about how you show up the energy that you bring to the table, whether it's a sales conversation, or working, you know, bringing you coming home, interacting with your family, in your with your friends, the energy that you bring to that experience in life, the moments that you're creating, is what you're going to get coming back your way we're going to talk about that dynamic. And I think it's really interesting, I guess, has an interesting perspective on this, because he's in the tech world. He's a developer, he's got that whole sort of engineering mindset. And yeah, we're also talking about the attitude, the energy, the what we how we show up in our interactions, is going to project into the world around us. So without further ado, we bring Kevin gagne on board. Welcome, Kevin, joining us from apex, North Carolina, Kevin gagne and company. And yeah, I'm excited to have this conversation. Kevin, i, you and I've been chatting on LinkedIn for a little while. You were sharing that this is a conversation that you've been having with some other folks out there, how you show up, what you bring to the table, is what you're going to get back. I would love to hear a little bit more.

Kevin Gainey 1:12

Absolutely. I think the guy just do a little demo, I think this will put it in perspective for everyone.

Tobin Slaven 1:18

Even better, even better. And your first hand,

Unknown Speaker 1:22

let's let's look at it this way. Let's just pretend that you just introduced me, and this is how I show up on camera. Thanks Tobin.

Tobin Slaven 1:31

I'm glad I've had some I have to tell you, I've had some guests that way. I'm not needing to do that. And I've had some folks come in that way.

Kevin Gainey 1:38

But then I'm like, okay, that's not me that if I were doing that, I would be showing up from a certain place a certain level of energy. And everybody's going to be bored to tears, I'm not going to do that to you. I'm not going to do that to myself. And I sure don't want to do it to the audience. And so it's as simple as that. So when something comes up, and we get an opportunity to decide and be intentional about how we're going to show up. You know, I really liked that I gave a presentation about a month ago. And I did that same exercise, I told people, I was like, hey, if I talked to you the whole time, like this, and I said, Yeah, maybe you might find some value in what I'm saying, as opposed to, hey, here's some things that we can do to help each other out. We're all going to leave this conversation better or better equipped and ready to take action. Those are two very different mindsets. So I just like to use that as an example and kind of give people kind of a feel for it. My disclaimer is always this, if at any point during the conversation, you see me start falling into a lower energy state, you or anybody in the comments, feel free to call me out so

Tobin Slaven 2:57

well, how much of this is, you know, as individuals, we all have different styles and personalities and sort of, you know, unnaturally introverted people are sometimes surprised, because I posting in an environment like this, but I really enjoy spotlighting others. I don't have that big, gregarious personality, I you know, that sort of all over the place. I always admire those folks that that do have that and can have the charisma to command a room. But how much of this is, I guess, where what I'm trying to get at Kevin is there's a level of authenticity of who we are and sort of how we project. So how do you when you're working with your coaching clients? How are you factoring that in to how we show up the energy that we bring when we show up and also who we are as a person? And what is our natural setting?

Kevin Gainey 3:49

Right now? That's a great question. And I usually fall back on I asked my clients a simple question. I asked them, or a couple questions. Are you showing up in the way that you want to? And if they say no, then the next question is, well, how do you want to show up, and for a lot of people, they may say, I, I don't want to be the gregarious person, I want to be just confident, I want to be succeed. I want to be clear in my communication, I want to know that the words that I'm saying are coming across, I want to know that I'm making eye contact, so that we make for them, it may not be the the hand waving and talking with the hands or the big smile or the joke every other minute. It just really depends on what their attention is. And as we show up in certain ways, they really is about that one word, you know, how am I showing up and I like to use transitions. I call them transition attentions. Anytime there's a transition from one activity from one conversation, whether it's Something we instigate or take action on, or it's an eruption of something that's imposed upon us. I always use those times and encourage my clients to say, What do I want? What who do I want to be? And what do I want out of this next interaction. And even people that are super introvert, I'm an introvert, I get my energy from just sitting and thinking and being by myself. But I love having these conversations, because I don't get to help anybody, if I'm always sitting around, you know, by myself, just thinking and writing and daydreaming. So I've had clients that are very, they call themselves low energy. And I say, Well, you know, what we say becomes our reality. So is it low energy? Or are you just reserved in the number of words that you're using? Because I can tell your brains going, you know, 100 miles an hour? And they're like, Oh, yeah, it is that I'm like, Okay, so let's reframe how you see yourself how you see your energy level. And then you can just try a little experiment to figure out how do I become more intentional? If I do want to have a greater impact on someone? How am I going to go about doing that? So

Tobin Slaven 6:13

So Kevin, tell me a little bit of give us a scope of the work that you're doing. Because I do know that you have this tech background, developing products and working with product teams, which tends to be a little bit again, more of an engineering mindset, like the bits and bytes of creating stuff online. And then you also a lot of what you've shared with us so far, this intentionality is internal, its mindset, our perspective that so so how are you working with clients? What is the majority? Like what type of clients are you working with? And what are you doing for them, I think is where I'm going with this. Yeah,

Kevin Gainey 6:48

yeah, though, a lot of the clients that I'm working with are business owners. solopreneurs, people that maybe want to be working for themselves haven't made the transition yet. Because there's some for whatever reason, it's a logistical reason. It's a safety net issue, whatever that is, and the number one thing that I enjoy seeing with anybody, whether it's a conversation, like this, or it's a networking event, or anything, is when you can ask somebody a question, or you can kind of say something, and then engage them. And you see a little light bulb go off, when they're like, Oh, my gosh, I didn't realize that was a possibility for me, or I didn't realize that. And they'll say thank you. And I'm like, well, that's just a conversation. But you're welcome. And so I enjoy working with people. So I did come from a background of software development that doing that for 20 plus years, ran my own digital marketing agency for a while. And the people I loved working with were the ones who I would we would start having a conversation and they would say, Well, you know, I kind of like random this restaurant, but man, I would really love to do this other thing. I'm like, oh, why don't you do that thing? Or do more of that thing? And they're like, well, I can't just quit my job. I'm like, Well, I don't say quit your job. I just like, how do you bring things in and still do more of this part that brings you alive. And so that's kind of how I fell into coaching and consulting with people was helping them put together, you know, getting really clear on what they want, and then putting a plan in place and then executing with focus to make that plan their reality. And so the coaching kind of, developed from there into, okay, what is high performance coaching look like? How do we, especially as entrepreneurs, and solopreneurs, you know, our time like, everybody's is valuable. But we want to make sure that we're getting the most bang for our buck. So where can we tweak things? How can we be more intentional? What kind of systems can we set up? And from there, the coaching went into more of a mindset approach of what I learned with the high performance coaching was, it's great if you know where you're going. And it's like pressing the accelerator, you just you want to move forward. But a lot of us have issues or self doubt or limiting beliefs. And some people have traumas from their past. And they've got that other foot firmly on the brake. So they're just sitting there spinning wheels. And so the coaching that I really enjoyed doing now is helping somebody really learn valuable lessons from the past. But leave all the baggage in the past, get clear on where they want to go in the future. And then create a plan and take focused, intentional action now to make that plan their reality.

Tobin Slaven 9:52

For folks who are starting this process with you, are they at a place where this is a known issue, so they recognize that They have this challenge or this issue, or are you in the reason why I'm raising this. So I had an experience this week, I'll share a little bit about myself, because I think it paints this picture. I'm pretty intentional with my work. And I run a lot of systems, you know that the bigger part of my own work with clients is helping them test launch and sell new offers, get first clients into a new offer that they want to bring to market. So related sort of in your in your space. In it, about halfway through the re the week, I had this experience where I've been trying to figure out a new program that I'm launching what I want to do, and I was like, it just dawned on me, I saw an email from someone else, not a coach that I'm working with, but just on my on their list. But it triggered in me, I actually have this piece that I've been looking for already, like it was there, I was using it for a different purpose. But everything that I needed was right in front of me, I had essentially all the tools. And yet I had been feeling pressured, you know, how was I going to get this done so stressed essentially to, you know, putting a lot of pressure on myself when all the pieces were there. The reason why I raised this up is I think sometimes it is the the prompt that comes from the external feedback, in some cases, the reframe from a coach that allows us to open up, we don't know what we don't know at the time, right. And that's where I was before this, before this sort of realization that I had all the pieces I didn't know. I don't know why I was missing that, honestly, we It was a blind spot. The

Kevin Gainey 11:41

when I start a conversation with somebody, whether it's a prospect or I start working with a client, it always starts I mean, there has to be some type of awareness there. You know, and that's part of finding prospects and working with clients and making sure it's a good fit to work together. The prospect or the client has to have some type of awareness that there is a need or a deficit, that there's something they're moving away from or moving towards. And being able to help people figure that out. is helpful. Because as coaches and consultants, we get paid for that perspective, we get paid for that refrain, we get paid for adding that value. And helping people put the pieces there together, you know, and then one of the things I always have to tell people is, you know, I believe everything happens in its perfect time. And it's kind of like, if we don't know what we don't know, and I use that term a lot, too, it's very much if, if, if we could do better, we would do better. Even, maybe we just need a little nudge, maybe we just need a little bit of coaching, maybe we need to see a funny meme online, or an inspirational quote, whatever it takes, just to get us out there and taking that action. And so a lot, where I think a lot of on solopreneurs. And entrepreneurs, they realize there's something holding them back. My experience has been it usually is externalized. Because they are a take charge type of person, they want to go out and they want to make things happen. So they are taking action. It's when the things that are holding us back are internal, whether it's something that, you know, a limiting belief or limiting decision or self doubt that we've had for decades or years or weeks, whatever it is. That's where the coaching process that I use with people, we take a look at that, because a lot of times they're like, Oh, well, I just need better systems. Okay, well, the better systems are going to help. But if you don't think you're capable of running a seven figure business, and you keep telling yourself that over and over, you're gonna, you're gonna cap yourself before you get to seven figures. So, you know, because what we think about what we focus on, that's what we see showing up in our lives. And so, you know, just like, you know, who's to say why there was this one piece of the puzzle that you had, it might have been laying over here, but you needed it right here and just kind of putting those things in a different order, gets you the results that you want. And I think that that is for a lot of coaches it is vary. Sometimes it's not as outcome driven. And that's one thing I really like about the process that I was taught that I use because I'm that engineering mindset is I don't want the theory I want to be able to know how are we going to get results How can we put it into practice?

Tobin Slaven 14:49

Yeah 100% that makes sense to me. So what I want to reflect this back and you can correct if I'm if I'm off track with any of this, but what I'm what I believe I'm hearing you say is folks have to have. They're they're aware in the sense that they're here making gesture with my hand that you can't see, they're here and they know that they want to make this journey to there's a gap to where they want to be. That part is often externalized, because they're recognizing that gap and sort of seeing obstacles that may get in the way. But it's all in your coaching work. And going back to this initial idea that we shared right at the outset of how we show up in any given situation, a lot of that is the internal piece that you've referenced several times. Yes,

Kevin Gainey 15:36

yes, yeah. That's what I've seen play out. That's what the, the theory and the psychology says, because it's human nature for us to do those things. And it's human nature to, you know, we have certain meta programs, we have certain mindsets and tapes, you know, remember tapes, loops that play in our heads, and so they've always been there. So they're comfortable. They, we rarely question them, until we run up against a limitation in our own beliefs, or in an external limitation, a boundary that's placed on us. And that stress causes us to look at those limitations and those beliefs, and then that's when we get to decide, who do I want to be? Do I want to be defined by this? Or do I want to be somebody that's completely different, somebody that is going to be at calls for my life, and not at the effect of other things happening to me.

Tobin Slaven 16:36

So walk us through Kevin, in the time that we have remaining here, can you essentially Think of this as an intervention, so I'm going to project imagine that I'm your client, and I have a big meeting next week, there's a lot riding on this meeting, because this is this, this may be the launch pad for the new business that I'm building. And if I can nail this meeting and create a great impression on the folks there, if I can make my biggest impact, which I'm eager to do, things could be very bright and bright. If I if I come in under if I undershoot on this platform and in don't use it, you know, the way that it could be? I'm going to be disappointed in myself, how would you be working with a client sort of in preparation for an event? If we could, if we could rally? What would it What should they be thinking about? What are some of the, the guidance that you would be giving in preparation for a situation like that?

Kevin Gainey 17:31

Okay, I start by asking the person what is, what is the best possible outcome of this meeting for you, and I have them describe that in detail. And then we stay, I try to stay away from the mechanics of how we make that happen, until the last minute. But when they can describe what they want, what they're going towards, and they've got that vision there, then a lot of times our brains go straight to Okay, what do I need to do to make that happen? And I'm, and I'm like, Okay, well, let's stick a question in between those. And let's ask this, who do you need to be to make that happen? Because if you need to show up in your meeting, it's not going to be having the perfect PowerPoint slides, that's not going to be having the right speakers coming in, it's not going to be having all your eyes dotted and T's crossed and your legal documents, it's gonna be for a lot of people and just throwing this out there a lot of is, how can I serve these people the best? How if there's two things that there's some tension? How can I negotiate that? Who do I need to be to bring the energy to get these people to communicate at a level that everybody sees the same thing? It's a win for them, it's a win for me. And so once somebody knows what the end result is that they want, you know, I'm saying how do you Who do you need to be to make that happen? Because we ask ourselves a lot, you know, even if you walk into a room and you forget something, and you're like, we don't ask, we do ask, What am I doing? What was I supposed to be doing? We don't ever stop and think, who would I be? My being the person who was intentional about what's going on, and working towards that. And then once we know who we want to be, and the type of we want to be the type of person that takes the actions to get the results that we've already defined. That's when we get to the how or the mechanics of running the meeting and making sure that we've covered our bases, and we've got our contingency plans. So walking people through that and just helping them be able to kind of extrapolate for what they want, who they need to be. And then how do they make that happen? Because I think a lot of business consulting will ask well, you know, leads you more through, what do you want it to look like? Okay, here's where we need to do that I think the energy that we show up with and the intention is what makes the difference there. Because if you've got the intention, and you've got the energy and you know that it's what you want to accomplish for yourself and for the people that you're serving, the how and the mechanics and the watt that you're doing are a lot easier because you're more committed to finding a solution.

Tobin Slaven 20:25

It's kind of like there's a, there's a squishy middle on this isn't there, because there's the hard outcomes of I can do the work of projecting what my ideal situation what this will look like, when it plays out beautifully, perfectly as I imagine, I can do that work. And, and I think for a lot of us, our mind immediately jumps to the equal sort of hard science side of Okay, in order to get that I need to do X, I need y and I need z two sort of things to fall into line. But in that squishy middle, there is the who are who how are we actually showing up? Who do we become? That is the type of person that that is able to? Because people react differently? I think that's the piece that a lot of folks, you can we've all had that experience where two people take the same steps forward. They're both doing X, Y, and Z, but they get dramatically different results. What's, what is the difference between them? It is in that who we show up the energy that we're bringing to the table? Right?

Kevin Gainey 21:23

Yeah, I like the way you call it the soft squishy metal. I think a lot of people, you've probably heard this before, too. It's like, Okay, I'm getting ready to get a little woowoo on you. But it's there is that that's where the psychology comes in, for how we show up. So yeah,

Tobin Slaven 21:37

yeah, well as speaking to a software and a hardware guy, we also know there's a little wetware involved in all this, this work that we're going to be doing. Kevin, this has been great. What for folks out there that are getting a chance to meet you for the first time? What should they be doing to enter your world? Where would they go? How would you like to invite them into your world.

Kevin Gainey 21:58

I'm Kevin gagne calm, you can see it there on the screen is the website, if you want to. I'm kW gagne on Instagram. Just if you search for me, you'll see my bald head on LinkedIn, also, Guinea duck, for Kevin gagne. And so my biggest thing is, if somebody wants to reach out, you can either DM me, but I think an email is probably the easiest thing. It's more personal. Just Kevin at Kevin gainey.com it's probably the quickest and easiest way to get in touch with me, you know, reply pretty quickly to those. So that allows us to start a conversation and then you know, just depending on where somebody is at and my approach for all of coaching and everything else is okay, how can I help you? And so if somebody wants to start a dialogue, and they're like, I don't really know what I need, I'm like, well, we can figure that out. And we'll find somebody that can help you, you know, because we all need different things. And so I just like making those connections with people.

Tobin Slaven 23:04

And so I love this. It's always starts with a conversation. So you open yourself up, folks, Kevin has made himself available. He's mentioned a couple different channels that you can reach out to him. You can check out the website at Kevin gagne comm start the conversation, have a dialogue. That's the key part, folks. Their dialogue only happens when it's being engaged in participated at least on two sides, sometimes more than that, but have the conversation and in see where you can go with it and encourage you to think about how you're showing up in your opportunities, whether it's in a sales conversation or anything you might be doing on the home front as well. Absolutely. This is great. I appreciate you taking the time Welcome. Glad you could guest with us here on booktube experts TV and we look forward to seeing you guys in our next episode. Awesome.

Kevin Gainey 23:51

Thank you guys so much. I appreciate the opportunity.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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