Podcast Episodes

How to Crush Imposter Syndrome – with Suzanne Longstreet

Have you experienced self-doubt, fear of failure, negative self-talk, or felt alone and disconnected? Are you prone to self-sabotage or low self-confidence? Find out why you’re doing it and how to stop. Hack your brain in this Masterclass and crush self-doubt.

Caitlin Doemner 0:00

Hello and welcome back to book of experts TV we're gonna do another masterclass with the Master Trainer Suzanne Longstreet. We are so excited today to talk about the imposter syndrome and how do you crush imposter syndrome? Suzanne Longstreet is the author of From Invisible to Invincible, and that's what we're really gonna be talking about today, which is how can you step up your game and show up for your own life and in your business in a much bigger way. Welcome, Suzanne, we're so excited to have you on the show.

Suzanne Longstreet 0:32

I'm so happy to be here with you, Caitlin.

Caitlin Doemner 0:36

We're gonna cover so much good stuff. And I know, I know, I'm not doing you justice, because I know you have a wealth of degrees, and certifications. And you are you're like a master practitioner, you train other trainers to do things like neuro linguistic programming, and hypnosis, and all kinds of really amazing coaching modalities. I have been the pleased recipient of your services, since I have actually hired you to be one of my coaches. And I really, really love the work that you're doing. So I'm so honored to be able to host you today. And I want to start with what is imposter syndrome because it's a something that I think a lot of us might have without being adequately diagnosed around it. So kind of tell me a little bit about what is it? How does it show up? How would we know if we have imposter syndrome?

Suzanne Longstreet 1:26

Okay, lots of great questions. And I do have a full presentation that I'm on for what we need to get away. And imposter syndrome is actually was actually originally coined as imposter phenomenon. And it's the same as inferiority complex and feeling good enough and feeling like a fraud. There's so many labels for it. It's essentially when it's when we don't do what we need to do to build our business to show up, speak up, build our careers, when we sit back in the meeting, and we go, Oh, I'm not gonna say anything, because somebody here is smarter, better faster than I am. So who am I to say something. And when all of those self doubts and self limiting self beliefs stop us, that's imposter syndrome.

Caitlin Doemner 2:17

I love this. And so I know that you work with entrepreneurs, we call you the fairy godmother, of for the entrepreneurial world, you've wave your magic wand, and suddenly they're clear, and they break through to their next level. Tell me a little bit about why is this topic crushing imposter syndrome and really stepping into your visibility? And you're showing up? Why is this important for entrepreneurs?

Suzanne Longstreet 2:42

Oh my gosh, I believe that so many entrepreneurs have so much potential inside of them. And they just need to get out of their own way. And when they can reprogram themselves for success and belief in their own abilities potential. And they do it much easier and make more money. Because they show up more, they're more visible more, charge more. Ask for business, ask for referrals. There's just so much potential more potential for them. Yeah,

Caitlin Doemner 3:15

I love this. And that's what we want, we want more income so we can have more impact. And both of them are tied to this topic. It's going to be critical. So I know you have a lot to teach us. And I really want to dive into that. Yeah, I'm gonna let you sort of take it away. And then I might just pop in with questions as we get them from people who are listening. And for those of you guys who are watching us online, we are going to move to a q&a workshopping session over on air meat will drop the link in the comments. So you can go deeper with Susanna Nye on this topic and do some some talking about it afterwards. So we'll give you more details about that as well at the end, but yeah, Suzanne, let's hear which go for it.

Suzanne Longstreet 3:57

Sounds good. So here's my my crushing posture syndrome session. So first of all, we're going to identify if you have it, and I'm going to tell you that this again is if you've ever experienced any kind of self doubt, if you a fear of failure, a fear of negative, that negative self talk that happens. Anybody who's felt alone or disconnected, anybody is prone to self sabotage, or slow self confidence. Or then you'll find out that this is this is going to help you provide the answers for things that you can do with it. Because too many successful, brilliant people have identified have self identified with imposter syndrome. And I want to teach you how to use it as fuel for you if you do find that you relate to even some of the content that I'm going to be talking about with you today. And again, this is The this complex or syndrome or phenomenon, usually affects really intelligent, smart people. Not necessarily people who they're that person who looks at the resume or the job listing the job posting and says, Okay, I can do nine out of 10 of those things really well. But because I can't do that 10 things, I'm not even going to apply for this job. So that's what we're going to be talking about finding the right buttons. This is me. Caitlin's already introduced me. And if you and so what I want to ask you is how would your world change? If you spoke up more, you showed up more, you shared your ideas, perhaps you posted on social media more, perhaps you did more video, I'm going to share with you I recently got connected to an opportunity for to speak as a panel on a University and University panel. And because I'm more visible than I ever used to be on social media, and that's what will happen. You overcame that persistent niggling fear of being exposed as a fraud, or not enough. Well, what would happen if you could actually stop procrastinating and get it done and do more in less time? Because you've silenced that voice, that negative feedback, that loop that goes inside of your head over and over? and stops you? Or makes you double think or double think, is that a word? or second guess or ask 10? People their opinion before you move forward? What if you could get more done in less time? What if you could actually simply let go of the need to be perfect? Do you know how draining that is on your energy if you are constantly seeking to be perfect. And one of the phrases I heard recently is nobody can even relate to perfect, perfect, stop, stop trying. We just want to make it stop. Make the doubts, the limiting beliefs and all of that, just make it go away, make it stop, don't you. And here's the key. Believe start to believe in yourself and who you are. So I want to talk to you about who this is for this is for you. If you have ever felt, or thought one of these things, smart people who hold themselves back from achieving greater success. You know, if that speaks to you, then this is for you. So I'm going to share with you, you're welcome to ask questions. I did this presentation for another group who were constantly sending me questions I do invite you just put questions in the chat. We're going to be answering them. And then we hope to see you at the top of the next hour in our networking sessions so that we can have more comments and talk more about this. So let's use the imposter syndrome as fuel for yourself. Let's talk about the worst case. So what is it actually? And here's the original definition from Dr. Pauline Rose clance. And Dr. Suzanne emails, who studied who first coined this term, way back in the 1970s, when they were working with undergraduate women mostly. And they were looking at these smart, intelligent, amazing, accomplished young women who didn't believe in themselves. And they started to think what is going on. And so they coined this they found that they created this definition and that it is it's a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has persistent, internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Caitlin Doemner 9:05

Yeah, I think a lot of people have that sensation. I'm so glad we're talking about this.

Suzanne Longstreet 9:10

I'm so glad. Yeah, I really, I work really hard to make sure that I'm finding relevant topics for the time that people need. Are we all here on some of the these are things that you actually actually asked me about earlier and I've given you these names the imposter phenomenon, imposter experience and inferiority complex. And here are some of the symptoms and behaviors of imposter syndrome. When I first saw this, I was overwhelmed by the number of things that are under the umbrella of imposter syndrome. So let's just go through them quickly so that you can you can identify or not with these and I'm hoping that you're going to identify with less than more feeling undeserving of the success that you've already achieved. You have that need for perfectionism, fear of failure, disconnected from others and feeling alone, you're worried you're anxious, you have negative self talk, fear of rejection, I'm able to hear positive feedback. This is a big one, I'm able to receive compliments, or hear positive feedback because you just don't believe them, and constantly comparing yourself to others. A coach, I know who you also know, Caitlyn is constantly saying we compare the inside of ourselves to the outside of others, or our blooper reel to others sizzle reel. That's another symptom of imposter syndrome, low self esteem, low self worth, not feeling good enough, procrastination, feeling out of your depth, not worthy, feeling like a fraud, self sabotaging yourself, disappointment in yourself in your abilities, and low self confidence.

Caitlin Doemner 10:53

That's a lot. I'd be surprised if entrepreneurs couldn't respond to like resonate with at least one of those things. Exactly.

Suzanne Longstreet 11:01

Right. And that's what I'm really letting you know that you're not alone if you've ever had one of these things, because up to 70% of people over the last 50 years that they've been doing research on this. And in fact, I was just reading an article earlier today that it's now up to 82% have identified with this syndrome. So again, you're not alone. So it's about again, 70% overlap between 70. And I've seen as much as 82% of people are saying that they identify with at least one of those behaviors. So it's pretty big and pretty prevalent, including some very famous names like Dr. Maya Angelou, who wrote, I've written a 11 books, but each time I think, oh, they're going to find me out. Now. I run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out. This one shocked me because I just see her as so poised and eloquent in all her speech. And so this one was a bit of a shock for me, she's somebody I look up to another one. The exaggerated esteem in which my life work is held makes me feel very ill at ease. And I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler from Albert Einstein. And the last one, somebody that we was in our living rooms on a regular basis, Alex kerbeck, the host of Jeopardy who passed last summer. And he said, I've been very lucky. You know, luck is very important element in many people's success, although they don't realize it. And in fact, that is actually a symptom of imposter syndrome is when people don't attribute their luck to their own, to their their success, to their abilities, their knowledge, their skills, their experience, they're showing up every day and doing it. They attributed attributed to more to luck. So another symptom of self of imposter syndrome.

Caitlin Doemner 13:01

You know, one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, he related the story where he was invited to an event, and he was standing next to another Neil, and they were chatting and the other Neil was like, I just don't know that I belong here. I mean, look at all these people. They've done all these amazing things. They've created these great works. And Neil Gaiman says, like, you know, if Neil Armstrong doesn't think he Billings belongs in a room of a luminaries, maybe all of us have this same opinion of ourselves. And you just realize you, you are in a room of your peers, but you don't recognize that you belong there.

Suzanne Longstreet 13:37

Exactly, exactly. So look around, you look and see who you're hanging out with and who's looking to you, and see if it matches with what you believe about yourself on the inside. And that'll give you a clue. Yeah, that's a great one. So the good news is, is you're in good company, again, up to 82% of people have identified with at least one of these behaviors as imposter syndrome. So what created this? How did we come by this right? I'm sure that some people are asking that is how did I get it? What How did this happen? Well, this is where it starts when you're a child, it starts to be between how you were parented, how you were schooled, what expectations you had, if you were you were placed in the birth order. A lot of people who have older siblings look up to them even neighbors on the street, because again, it's just that kernel of self doubt or that seed of self doubt that when that starts, it programs you to believe that you constantly need to seek evidence of times where you're not enough. You maybe didn't do it the right way you didn't get 100% when everybody else around you did and you completely discount the people like You're in the top 5%, you're just completely discounting the other 5%. Because you, you put yourself at a higher esteem or a higher level, or you believe that you should have done better. My dad, he was a good man and and really loved all of his four children and was very kind. I came home one day with a 96% on on a math test. And he looked at me with a smile on his face. And he goes, that's great. But where did the other 4% go. And again, he's, you might have done this with your children, you're a loving person, and you're doing the best you can as a parent, and our parents did the best that they can, and our teachers did the best that they can. But unfortunately, if that little self doubt, that seed of self doubt is formed, we just keep looking for the thing over and over, and it compounds and compounds and compounds. Until, as we get older, we just, we all of a sudden show up and we don't say what we want to say at the meeting. Or we don't show up in a group and say what we really want to say or speak up or stand out.

Caitlin Doemner 16:04

Yeah, Dan Sullivan talks about the gap versus the gain. And I think for most entrepreneurs, that's exactly what happens is, we look at the distance between us and our objective that 5% we didn't attain, as opposed to the gain and the the 95% that we did accomplish and attain. And so yeah, it's it's a remarkably insidious, little bugger. That makes us always look at the thing that we didn't do.

Suzanne Longstreet 16:31

Yeah, we did. Exactly, exactly. And so it's important, it's such a great point. So it's about we're going to get into the solutions, I'm going to give you a few action things that you can do today, if you've identified with any of these components. Yeah. So how we do it, this is for the ladies, is we are constantly comparing ourselves with others. So the gentleman with the defined ABS is probably working out on a regular basis and eating well. Whereas the person on the left maybe just at the beginning of his journey. And he's comparing himself as not having the the ABS of steel, and not recognizing that the person who's got the ABS of steel has been doing this for longer, and might be and not eating pizza, like I did last night. So it's just about comparing, comparing apples to apples, not oranges to apples, or in this case, pear shaped to

Caitlin Doemner 17:33

even the beginning to the end, right? The acorn isn't comparing themselves to the oak tree. That's silly.

Suzanne Longstreet 17:38

Exactly. And yet we do it. How many entrepreneurs have you and I both talked to? who believed that if just because they've done it for a whole month now, and they haven't got the results that somebody who's been doing it for 10 years have?

Caitlin Doemner 17:53

Right? And I've been in it for 10 years, and I compare myself to people who've been in it for 20. Right? So it's just it's inevitable that we compare ourselves to people who have gone further down that road, because we want to model them, we want to emulate them. But it's different than there's a difference between appreciation and comparison. And that's what I'm excited to dive into.

Suzanne Longstreet 18:11

I love that appreciation versus I love that. Yes. Good one that's going in the notes. Thank you. So imposter syndrome versus versus Dunning Kruger effect. And I want to talk to you about this. And there are two different ends of the scale. So there's the imposter syndrome, which is not belief itself. And that is also where you look at that job posting. I know that there's a lot of people here who are business leaders, but it's still a lot of us have applied for jobs in the past. And we look at that job posting again, we see that nine out of 10 items and we think we can't do that. Dunning Kruger on the other end, is somebody who would look at that job posting and say, Oh, I can do one out of those 10 things, therefore this job was made for me. So they often have a inflated thought or concept of their ability. And they're usually this is not always but they're usually the person who's going to speak up first in the meeting, even when they don't know what they're talking about. And everybody else kind of looks at them and goes, What the heck are they saying what and and they don't the people that have imposter syndrome don't want to ever be compared to that. That is the worst thought like the worst thing that could add person who has an imposter syndrome, whatever one is to be compared to somebody who doesn't know what they're talking about. Alright, I have gone through all of my notes very quickly, but I haven't actually referred to them. That's okay. So this is the Dunning Kruger so we want to stay in, in a balance between both like, even when it's new and this is something I posted and Tobin asked me speak directly about dragons I posted in this last week. There's a difference between the hearby dress Again, this concept of something you don't ever know. So, way back in the medieval times when we were first charting the planet and the globe, and they were created the cartographers were designing the maps in an area that they didn't know, because they hadn't actually explored that area, the kartra cart, the mapmakers, can we say that it's a lot easier, they would actually right here be dragons, and they would right here, but they would have sea monsters and dragons depicted in areas that they had not yet explored. So there's this imposter syndrome, which is you probably know more than you think, you know, but you just don't believe in yourself. The Dunning Kruger effect, which is, I know everything, I'm amazing, which is good, but and then there's this other component, which is this, if you've never done it before, it's reasonable to think that there might be a dragon or a sea monster there because your unconscious mind is going, hang on a second, I want to keep you safe. And I want you to just be aware that this might not be safe for you. So let's make sure that you're safe. And so it sends up what we call in the world of neuro linguistic programming, and amygdala hijack, which goes Are you sure you want to do this like hey on, which is the here be dragons. So there you go, Tobin. That's for you, the here be dragons. I, so there's some costs to or price to having in inferiority or the inferiority complex or imposter syndrome. And that is the time again, I mentioned it earlier, the time that you might be taking to write that post, to write the article to write the book to get out there to show decide whether or not you're going to go to that networking meeting to decide whether or not you're going to do something, the money that you might have lost the opportunity. And then of course, your energy, when you're spending all of this time thinking about something, it's just soul sucking, can be not speaking up and sharing your ideas. So that means that people aren't seeing you, they're not knowing the wisdom and ability that you have to offer, you may not be getting clients, because you're not showing up as a thought leader out there in the social media, you're not applying for speaking events. Which leads to not being visible to others. Oops, a little bit offside, or that promotion. If you're in the the world of where you're still looking for a promotion. That goal that you wanted to do the desire for more what ever it is. There's lots of prices. So what I want it we're going to be talking about this in the networking session, when we get there, the mastermind is what what what is it that this might be costing you? What might your feelings of doubt, imposter syndrome might be costing you.

Caitlin Doemner 22:57

for entrepreneurs like that. If we're getting passed over for promotion in business, it might be a couple $1,000 a year. But in entrepreneurship, where we are directly responsible for our income, this cost of not showing up is probably in the hundreds of 1000s, if not millions of dollars per year. Because we are the face and the brand and the marketing engine. So not getting out there is costing us actual hard sales for sure.

Suzanne Longstreet 23:27

Absolutely. I was talking to a client yesterday, who past client who I finished working with in January, I think, and she's she called me and she was all excited about her results. She said Suzanne, I have just made the same amount of money in q1, the first quarter of this year of 2021 as she did all of last year. And that was her cost. So she said with Drupal her revenue because she's now gotten rid of the imposter syndrome. And she's now speaking up showing up standing up and being out there and meeting clients at the grocery store. Meeting potential clients at the grocery store and being willing to talk to them. Whereas before he put her head down and walked away. So that's just one aspect. The other one is sleep. We know we all need to have sleep. spent the time if you're spending too much time on making it, whatever it is perfect. So let's talk about some of the solutions. My favorite, I love I love solutions. So first we get to decide decide how that you want to let this go. And then change how you talk to yourself the most important thing in the simplest and first I think that a lot of people don't even realize what they're saying to themselves. They they don't actually pay attention to their thoughts. They discard them. They're in automatic pilot, and they're not realizing what actually words are that they're saying to themselves themselves internally. And I love Brian Tracy, he's one of the first positive gurus that I started listening to way back in the 90s when I was in sales, and it was, you're not what you think you are. But what you think you are.

Caitlin Doemner 25:21

Yeah, he captured that beautifully.

Suzanne Longstreet 25:23

Yeah, you have to put the right emphasis on the right. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense. So the important thing is to accentuate the positive. So I would like you to create a list a folder, a file of positive feedback and comments and refer to it often. And this is that whole thing that we were talking about is celebrating the 2% that went really well. Or the night sorry, let's just let's flip that around, celebrating as you were talking about Dan Sullivan, celebrate them 98% that has done gone really well. And so that it overcomes and swamps, the 2%. That didn't, because that's often where we are. The other thing that I've started to work with clients to do, I don't have mine here, it's downstairs, but is I have a is encouraged them to get a vase and some really colorful pipe paper. And put, I am a star because and just do some self reflections from that day and put it in, or I love myself because and put that in. And so that and fill that up so that when those moments come when you're And believe me, we've all had them is okay, it's snowing, it's dark, nobody's responding, how do I how do I pump myself up and you can do that. So this is a great tool to do that. Whatever works for you. If you're an online person, use a tech file, file and keep it there. I'm a visual person, so I like to have it here or in a vase or something. I like the tactile as well. Is there anything that you do Katelyn, to remind yourself and pump yourself up around the positive feedback?

Caitlin Doemner 27:05

Well, I was just thinking, because this is one thing that you and I have worked on, is noticing and noticing the appreciation that is coming in. And being in a state of appreciation at all times. And that's something that I've been working on is as a result of our work together. But I realized I did it sort of unconsciously, where I just called it love notes. So anytime I got a love note, I just copied it and pasted it into a document. And that's for entrepreneurs. I mean, that's pretty critical. We need those for marketing purposes, also. So it's good for marketing. And it's good for your personal feedback. But just making sure anytime somebody says something nice, just copy it, paste it, screenshot it, write it down, and file it away. And it has, I think double use for us because we can use it in our marketing and our sales pages, etc.

Suzanne Longstreet 27:57

Yeah, that's a great suggestion. I love that. Because again, as Lynn twist says, what we appreciate appreciates, so focus on what you appreciate so that you can have more of what you appreciate. I love the word appreciation, okay. Receiving that positive feedback, allowing yourself to receive I find a lot of people who run imposter syndrome. If you say to them, oh my gosh, you're looking fabulous today. I love what you're wearing. They'll go oh, this old thing. And they just completely. Talk dismiss it. Yes. Thank you. The other thing is they'll they'll say, Oh, I love what you wrote about or they're just saying, Oh, yeah, well, I copied that from last year or that's not really me or my a copywriter did it? It's like no, no, take that praise, accept it. Pull it all the way in and own it. Appreciate it.

Caitlin Doemner 28:52

Yeah, I think it was mama Gina who's like if someone gives you a compliment, say thank you. I know, right? Yeah. For us as women, that's not how we're oriented to receive compliments.

Suzanne Longstreet 29:04

When we're not we need to do better at it, especially as women. Learn from your mistakes, learn from the the obstacles, the mistakes, the things that are coming up and reframe them into learnings for yourself. So I did a webinar in 1920 No, sorry. 19 2019. Like you are older than I gave you credit cards, Suzanne. No, I did a webinar Gosh, couple years ago, and I had three or four people who unsubscribed from my list. So I never did a webinar again. And I thought Wait a second. That just wasn't for them. It doesn't mean that I need to trash webinars forever.

Caitlin Doemner 29:51

JOHN Daniels shared think of collecting client testimonials as a form of therapy which I love that that's great. This learning from your mistakes, that was critical because for me, I mean, as an entrepreneur, you have to risk. It's in our job description, that you have to take risks and do things that other people think are a little crazy. And of course, we want to calculate them. And we want to hedge our best. And we want to have the highest return on investment, but it's just, we're doing things that are a little scary. And we're going to have failure, right. And so the biggest thing I had to do is redefine failure. So there's no such thing as failure. There's just more or less expensive learning lessons. That's all. And I've had some really expensive learning lessons. And so I have discovered that hiring people to help me avoid those learning lessons is usually the cheapest way to go. Don't that I don't mess this up. But I think this idea of just recognizing that life is bringing you opportunities for improvement. That's all.

Suzanne Longstreet 31:01

Yep, absolutely. And one of the things that we hit the same that we have, when we do the NLP training is there is no failure. There's only feedback. Whoo, I love that. Mm hmm. And the biggest thing is the biggest way to let go of your past and to get over the things that are stopping all of us is to learn from them and learn things that are positive about self that we can take forward. So for example, that webinar, oh, that didn't work. But you know what, that's okay. I've learned that those people didn't resonate with that message. And I've come up with a new message. And I keep doing this over and over again, because it works. The formula works. Yep. Yeah. Focusing on your mistakes, so stop focusing on your mistakes, focus on your learnings. And then the other one is, I'm going to put this one in here as well as obstacles, obstacles come up as an opportunity to teach us about something moving forward. And what we can learn and what we can do better and they often give us an opportunity to do it differently to find somebody like you're saying, to find somebody who can help you because it's not maybe not your we'll have your zone of genius, etc. And the person who I think has done this beautifully in his very successful entrepreneur is Sara Blakely. Because if you know the story about Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, she was taught by her father to just constantly seek failure, keep doing it, keep looking for failure, and, and then as a result of keep going out there and expecting to fail and hoping to succeed. She did.

Caitlin Doemner 32:34

Yeah, there's a great book called, what to do when it's your turn. And it's always your turn by Seth Godin. And he just talks about, like, the person who wins is the person who ships it, right? He's like, all fail nine times before you get your shoes. And so it's just one of those things that just going out and taking it into the marketplace, and starting that feedback loop so that you can iterate as quickly as possible as critical.

Suzanne Longstreet 33:01

Yeah, absolutely. Especially now we can do it so quickly, and get feedback immediately, of course, correct and move on. Define your own success criteria, let go of being perfect and do it now. Please show up, speak up, stand up, because the world needs more people to show up authentically and help more people. And the more again, taking action, this is really important. So instead of focusing on making it perfect, do it now. And if you can't do it now diarize it for a time in the near future, that you can do it, delegate it, as Caitlyn is doing, get to finding the right person to do it, or just delete it. I'm noticing here there's a comment in the the same as -

Caitlin Doemner 33:56

john said, in jujitsu. They say you either win, or you learn and I think I heard it from Nelson Mandela. But whoever the quote said, I never lose. I either win or I learn and it's great. Yeah,

Suzanne Longstreet 34:09

really great way to reframe it for yourself so that you're not focusing on what didn't go right, you're focusing What did go right. And always seek evidence of your success, measure it, celebrate it, remember it, and we've given you a couple of ideas to be able to do that today. And then of course, always reach out and ask for help when you need it. So overall, when you if you have identified at all with having any of the components or any of the behaviors of imposter syndrome, use it as fuel, but don't let it stop. You. Just keep moving forward. That's probably the biggest lesson and you want to use balance. There's also I've got an imposter assessment upon imposter syndrome assessment on my website, you can find out if you want to to see how your how it's affecting you So I want to give you an overview and this is a summary of all the things that I've been talking about today is use imposter syndrome as fuel. Seek balance between imposter syndrome and Dunning Kruger effect. And, again, I'm just going to go through and give you the the house which is change yourself talk, accentuate the positive, receive positive feedback, learn from your mistakes, like go do it now. Seek evidence of your success and reach out when you need help.

Caitlin Doemner 35:37

I love this and I want to unpack the use it as fuel piece because I remember we kind of touched on that beginning, but I want you to just unpack it. So when you say use your imposter syndrome as fuel, what are you? What do you mean by that? What would that look like to use it as fuel.

Suzanne Longstreet 35:56

I know that I have a tendency to for perfectionism. So instead of making it perfect and agonizing over that, I'm just gonna put it out into the world. So it's, I'm not going to let it stop me, I'm going to use it as fuel. I'm just going to do it. It's about recognizing it.

Caitlin Doemner 36:18

So I I had kind of, I wasn't sure what you meant. So I just started making up meetings in my head. first meeting, that I thought it was like, okay, use it as fuel. So the first thing was like, okay, so I should probably post those instances of vulnerability, because as you were saying, like, perfectionism doesn't resonate. And I have found that like, sometimes when I cultivate my public persona, with too much picture, perfect newness, it's not as engaging, it's not as effective at building real connections and sparking interesting conversations. It's the posts when I've been vulnerable. And I've shared that things aren't going well, and stuff has hit the fan. And these are those moments for authentic vulnerability, right, and to the level that you feel safe, always. But those are the posts that go viral. Everybody shares them, everybody wants to talk about them. And it's it's one of those things, where to your point, if one of us is willing to open up and be vulnerable, the other 82% of the population that resonate with that are going to say, Oh, yeah, that's, that's me. And they're going to identify with it. And then I was also thinking is, like, I'm sure that most use that you pointed out that most high achievers very smart people have posterous syndrome. So I'm imagining that many of them are using this as fuel already, because they already feel inadequate, and under producing and overwhelmed. And so they keep just packing more stuff on and then I was like, that probably isn't what she means. Yeah, it's a very effective mechanism, right, as a recovering, you know, perfectionist and somebody who really does love to have accolades and achievements. And that has been a really big motivator. And that's actually one of the reasons I hired you is how do you shift your motivation from a push energy, where I'm running away from my fear of failure, my fear of being found out my fear of being inadequate, and move it to a pull energy, where I'm, I'm running towards the things in my life that I want to create, from a place of joy. And excuse me a pleasure. Oh, okay. Sorry. I'm just gonna get some water but you know, keep on bagging them.

Suzanne Longstreet 38:51

I love that. It's about really acknowledging, when I say use it as fuel, it's about acknowledge yourself, love yourself and still keep moving. Well, one of the, the, the image that I always think of is, I love to sail and in fact, we had a sailboat and I was I am a water skier. I haven't done it in a couple of years. But I'm a boater and a water skier. And there's nothing that we could do on a sailor and there's nothing we couldn't get the boat going if we kept it tied to the shore. So realizing that Well, I've got my white sail three, I haven't got my bronze or my silver or my gold yet, but okay, I'm just gonna get in the boat and go and and see what happens. And we as entrepreneurs, need to get in the boat and start sailing more. I've known to many people who, especially when they're starting out there will have to get a perfect and I have to have the website and I have to have the social media account and I have to and everybody says I need to have all of these things and I need to have my elevator pitch and bla bla bla bla all of these things perfect before I go out. No, just get out there. I love what Gary Vee talks about and and Gary Vaynerchuk and he says, you know, wouldn't it be great if We could start to see Vera Wang, when she first started learning how to design and then going through and talk about imposter syndrome. There's no way she could compare herself at the beginning to what she's doing now.

Caitlin Doemner 40:18

That's actually a really fun idea is recognizing, like when you're in the acorn stage is to visualize yourself at the oak tree phase. So just deciding, like, that's who I'm going to be. But I'm not going to give myself our time that I'm not there yet. But to visualize that, I like that as an idea. I like that too.

Suzanne Longstreet 40:41

One of the things that I love doing last summer, there wasn't a lot of flowers at the nursery when we went in May to get the flowers for the planting season. So I ended up with a red pepper plant. I don't, I don't I have three pots on my deck. I'm a huge gardener, I have three pots. And I thought, Well, you know what, I'll grow this red pepper. And it was so much joy for me every day to watch that red pepper form. And of the three red peppers that I got one was perfect. One was a little misshapen. And I realized afterwards that I probably should have separated it when it was in the growth stage so that it didn't get all but I didn't care. It tasted great. It tasted better than what I can get in the store. And I didn't beat it up because it wasn't perfectly shaped.

Caitlin Doemner 41:32

I love that. And it's that appreciation of the thing as it is. And if we can get to that point where it's it's almost this Buddhist Zen kind of tactic that whatever is is perfect, right? That you you sort of make your peace with reality. And once you've done that, I've also just read the surrender experiment with my by Michael singer, which is similar. Like, everything that comes is perfect. This is exactly how it was meant to flow out like I can't mess up. It's just what is is. And it's if you can get to that kind of Zen inner state, everything becomes a lot more fun, enjoyable, exciting. Your curiosity evokes your creativity comes out. There's just so many beautiful benefits, when you can just sort of make peace with the universe. I

Suzanne Longstreet 42:21

Yes, absolutely. And while it's not perfect, I remember at one point, he was talking about them building a temple on his land. And they didn't he didn't want that. It wasn't what he wanted. And it ended up being the best thing for him. And that often happens too. Okay, we're a little off topic, and still cool. It's some new fun things with it. So of course, I want to let everybody know that I am here to help you I am. I'm here to help you. But you know, find somebody who's if you identify with those things, take the assessments on my website, seek professional help if this is stopping you from enjoying your life, or if you're feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiety, depression, and certainly if you're not getting sleep, because this isn't meant to we're supposed to live this life and enjoy this life and be our liver full potential. Not stop ourselves worrying about that one little thing last Tuesday that somebody said or whatever, it's just going forward. Remember 75% and now that according to the research I read today, 82% of people have identified with one of the behaviors of imposter syndrome and imposter phenomenon. So you're not alone. You don't need to hide and you don't need to keep one of the worst things to do is to not talk about this with somebody else. And to just keep shoving it under the rug that's not ever going to help you. So when you're ready when you're not sleeping well, or losing your temper, that was another one that I was talking to a colleague, and they were finding that they were just kept losing their temper when they work because they were so worried that somebody was going to find them out. And when they were about to do a big launch, they were short with everybody and snappy with everybody. And they were losing their their temper with their loved ones. When you're not sharing your ideas, and when you're trying to stay small and invisible. That's when it's important that you reach out you can do the therapy route. You can I this is something I've been working with one of the things that I realized I wrote the book called invisible to invincible as Caitlin resset referenced in the beginning, and I realized that I have been talking to the symptoms of imposter syndrome for the last five years. And it wasn't until somebody said to me, You have imposter syndrome and they didn't like that. That's the biggest thing. The worst thing somebody could do is say you have imposter syndrome. Nobody likes to hear it. Nobody wants to be told that especially when we're standing up here and for as an entrepreneur and presenting and wanting to be a thought leader and and offer ourselves for our services. The worst thing that can happen is somebody does that. And the good news is I took it as feedback and Learn from it and didn't see it as an obstacle, but went, Okay, this is an opportunity for me to do some research. See if I do have it turns out I had some components. And I have used the tools that I know to remove it and to, to diminish it and still recognize that I do have a need to keep things perfect, cuz that's the way I want it to be. But it doesn't have to be 100%. Perfect.

Caitlin Doemner 45:25

Right. And I think that's fair that this, this is a learning curve. And from my perspective, if you're constantly pushing yourself to grow and reach your next level, you should be hitting the next boundary of your personal comfort level. Right? If you're not, you're playing it safe. And that, in my opinion, is is worse, right? So I feel like you should keep knocking up against the ceiling of what you think you're capable of and what you think you deserve. So that you can keep pushing that boundary out further and further. Like, that just makes sense to me,

Suzanne Longstreet 45:59

right? Otherwise, we're pretty we just stay in this very small circle, and expecting different results. They call that insanity, don't they? Okay, good. But what if you applied this? How would it affect your life? How could it change? Well, what if you freed up your thoughts and your limiting beliefs? How would that change your life? Or if you enjoyed your life, your work and your life more? What if you stopped snapping at your family members? What if you spoke up more and shared your ideas more confidently? What if you showed up on social media more? What if you celebrated your success more often? It's time to let go. I think that's it questions. Let's ask, Do we have anything?

Caitlin Doemner 46:48

I love that? So uh, yeah, we definitely want to solicit any questions or comments from anybody in the audience who's listening. And then we're also going to switch over to air meat. And we we wrap up a little bit early, so we could even head to the tables ahead of schedule. But if you guys do have questions or comments, we would love for you to join us over an air meets. And we'll drop that link into the chat. In the meantime, if you are looking to kind of explore this deeper, Suzanne does have her imposter syndrome quiz. And you can go through the assessment on her website success and clarity.com. So success a nd clarity calm. So yeah, absolutely. Try it out, see if there's anything that comes up for you and that you want to dive deeper on. And we can also kind of, you can check out her book, the invisible to invincible is it on Amazon, wherever they find that Suzanne, I'm in Canada, so it's on amazon.ca and on amazon.com. Perfect, I love it. And then any last thoughts or tips or things that you want people to just keep in mind as they're going about their week?

Suzanne Longstreet 47:58

Hmm. One of the things that I'm most passionate about is that people reach inside and realize that they have so much potential to offer in the world. And if you're suffering from imposter syndrome, and not getting out there fully and completely as your authentic self and doing as well as you want. Just know that you have it inside of you and deep. Celebrate who you are, be appreciate. be appreciative of yourself and be gentle with yourself. There's there's so many people out there who can help you if, if it's something that's bothering you, because the world needs so many people. And in these times when so many people are dealing with so much. I'm sure that anybody who's listening here today has a gift to share.

Caitlin Doemner 48:47

Yeah, the world wants your light. Absolutely. I love that. All right, well, I say we move over to the chat and dive in. Because the topic we're going to be chatting about is what is it costing you? What is it costing you to entertain these limiting beliefs this self doubt this negative self talk, this desire to sort of keep your head down and and play it safe. And so we're going to be unpacking that in the workshop. do join us over on air meats and we'll see you guys on the other side. Thank you so much Suzanne this has been a wonderful, thank you

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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