Podcast Episodes

How To Earn Your Confidence – With Matt Zinman

Today’s episodes features “Z-isms” from Matt Zinman, author of the book and podcast by the same name, “Insights To Live By”.

Matt is a sought after speaker, with a focus on “earned confidence” and experiences gained from his years as an entrepreneur, athlete, single parent, care-giver, and founder of a non-profit. Matt is also the CEO of the Internship Institute, so we will spend a bit of time on how to make your experience, matter more.

You can learn more about Matt and other experts at https://bookofexperts.com/

Unknown Speaker 0:00

It's time for Book of Experts TV and today we're talking, we're talking earned confidence. Everyone says you've got to have confidence. But how do you actually do that? How do you create more confidence? We've got a really interesting guest and an interesting discussion coming up. And we're going to dig deep into this topic and I can't wait to share with you.

Unknown Speaker 0:20

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Unknown Speaker 0:53

Welcome to the book of experts TV show, Matt Zinman. Excited to have you on here, Matt of the Z isms and he's joining us from just outside the Philadelphia area. We were talking Flyers and Bruins before we went live here and you even have a sports background, which I didn't you know, I didn't know the full story about that. But we're gonna be talking about your background as an entrepreneur, an athlete, also the CEO of a nonprofit, you've got a lot going on Matt Welcome to Book of Experts TV.

Unknown Speaker 1:22

Thanks for having me, Tobin. I mean, don't we all have a lot going on? For the most

Unknown Speaker 1:25

part, it feels like it these days more than ever before? Yes. I have seen a lot of articles lately with people just saying, you know, I feel different, what's going on and people trying to you know, we're doing more of these screen, we're meeting people through the screen, and they talk about zoom fatigue, your topic today have earned confidence. This is a big one for folks. Because I think people are feeling shaken out there. Our world has turned upside down in the last six to nine months, we're seeing things that we've never seen before. We're not sure what's around the corner. Is there ever has there ever been a better time to talk about confidence than today?

Unknown Speaker 2:03

Well, I'm not going to debate that except for the fact that it is today. And I think that you're right, there's so much going on. And and this this does come with a dose of positivity and you know who couldn't use that. So I'm, I'm very happy to be here and share about earn confidence.

Unknown Speaker 2:20

Before we dig into tell us a little bit about your background. So I know you're an author, your speaker, you're also a podcaster. And I want to bring up on the screen so folks can actually see this the the book is called z isms insights to live by an insight solidify is also the the name of the podcast. But tell us a little bit about why you're doing this. Because you're unique to our community, a book of experts, you're less focused on the coaching and really just trying to get information out there to make an impact with more people through the podcast and through the book.

Unknown Speaker 2:54

Right? Well, there's a there's a lot of background, you know, as the as the years stack up in my early 50s. Now, my first career was in marketing, communication.

Unknown Speaker 3:06

And then I got into what I still do

Unknown Speaker 3:08

with a nonprofit called the internship Institute. And that's working with employers, as well as students and veterans in transition. But mostly to set up programs. And through all the experiences life experiences, you know, I am one of those people who have always wanted to write a book and it there are some kind of concepts like earned confidence in it that I really don't hear a lot of people talking about, I felt a responsibility to write it in, considering Well, what would I regret not doing? Last year the book certainly was what rose to the surface and I got into action. And I decided that maybe I only have a blog, but I kept writing and and i really do have a fully formed book. And yeah, you're right. You know, for me, it is about reaching the masses. I don't have a coaching business, I'm still running the nonprofit I have a nutrition business I work with with my wife. So there's plenty as you said to, to stay busy with and the the podcast didn't actually come about right away. I didn't really quite publish the book earlier this year with any kind of end game, doing these kinds of interviews leaning in, you know, I just really enjoyed and then the the idea came up with a podcaster Have you ever considered it and now I'm, you know, on episode 12 or 13 this coming week, it's actually two in one, I do a guest episode, and I do a solo episode every week. So that's just about as much as I can, you know, bite off and chew.

Unknown Speaker 4:39

Well, that's great. I love that format. We do a little bit of that mostly we're doing guest episodes who book of experts but every once in a while like you said there's information that you just need to get out there because you know it's going to better the world of someone and I've done a few of those solo episodes myself. I have a solo podcast outside of book of experts as well. Let's I want to come let's circle back to the intern ship Institute. Because I think that's a really interesting angle. It's something that we also believe strongly in at sales map, which, of course, is the sponsor book of experts. We do hands on sales training. So it's that topic is near and dear to our hearts. But before we go there, I want I really want to dig into the Earned confidence. I want to hear, you know, how do you think about this topic? And how can you help some of our folks out there that may pick this up whether they're with us live, they watch the replay, but how could they develop more confidence in their life, because we've been throwing some curves lately, and that will shake your confidence more than anything else?

Unknown Speaker 5:40

Yeah, well said, I, you know, when it comes to earn confidence, it's really not as much about confidence that we have yet to build as much as confidence that we've already earned, that we're not necessarily putting into or relying on it in its full way. And what I'm talking about is the very fact that, you know, life happens, we've all been through everything that we've been through any number of us are going through whatever tough times now, and we have tough times ahead. But the fact is, is that we're still standing, you can't really deny that fact. And so knowing that, you know, we're survivors, and we've been through everything that we have, we don't have to necessarily worry or be anxious or stress about the things that are happening now. Or the things that are happening, especially in you know, what's not certain to happen yet in the future. Because we know that we're fully capable of dealing with these events in real time.

Unknown Speaker 6:45

So some man, this feels like a chicken or the egg. Confidence as a topic feels like a you know, what comes first kind of question, because we hear a lot of people that will say, as you develop this, this body of work, you show yourself that you are capable, and and maybe even surprise yourself in some ways of what you're able to accomplish, particularly when we take a long view, if you if you look, in the short view, sometimes, you know, it's you know, we always get caught up of wanting to make something happen that maybe hasn't happened yet. But when you really look backwards, in hindsight, there's a body of work there. And that's one way to build confidence. How do you do that going forward? There's, to me, it always has felt like there's a little bit of you got to fake it, until you make it and then you develop that body of work. So how are you helping people develop this earned confidence?

Unknown Speaker 7:41

Well, again, to

Unknown Speaker 7:43

earn confidence is something that you're dealing with in real time. So the first question is, well, is what what you're going through now, the very worst thing you've ever gone through in your life, and hopefully, that's not the case. And it's likely not the case. So the reality is, is that you've made it through something much more difficult than whatever your current circumstances are. And so you know, that you can make it through these things, you don't have to question that you already have the ability to do it. And it really is a way to outsmart yourself from worry and anxiety and stress, for example. And it's also trying to break that habit, because worry can be a habit. And so what you need to do is, if you're starting to find yourself worrying about things, you really have to call them out. And question, Is this something happen? Is this something happening right now? Or is it not certain to happen? And so can you stop yourself from having to get caught up in something that isn't, you know, instead of, you know, dealing with the real, the other thing is that you often in being in that habit, kind of don't realize it until after the fact.

Unknown Speaker 8:54

And so when you worry about something, and then it turns out not happening, you really need to do that. 2020 and again, ask yourself, one, what did I do to myself unnecessarily for something that never happened? And second, what did I do to other people, because we tend to lean on each other and talk to people and that, that, you know, that's contagious that energy spreads. And, you know, one really important point I'll just add here briefly, is that we have a personal responsibility around our energy and the exchanges that we have and how we affect each other. And so when you're not really in control, not only self inflicting yourself with, with the worry and the stress over things that aren't certain to happen, you're also you also could be spreading that to other people that you lean on. And again, they're there for that when things are, you know, to be dealing with the real, but but not in in these cases.

Unknown Speaker 9:52

Probably that last point about the impact of others probably magnified even though where social distancing, and maybe not Seeing people in the workplace for example, or out and about as much as we used to, we're also more involved more engaged with our loved ones, those closest to us in our house. Like we're spending a lot of time with people around us. So though those impacts are probably magnified, what I'm what I'm hearing from you, Matt, is that confidence, really the I, these are my words, and I want you to correct me if I'm getting it differently than you intended, but the opposite of confidence is really uncertainty. And that the habits that we have habits of thought habits of what we dwell upon in our in our thinking, is what is the key to creating better to creating more confidence and better habits that will fortify that that confidence structure and focusing less on these on the uncertainty in the fears and anxieties? Is that

Unknown Speaker 10:51

high? Absolutely, certainly, certainly the ladder, I think it's, you know, part of the the building of the confidence is to recognize what it is you've already built,

Unknown Speaker 11:00

and how. And so,

Unknown Speaker 11:02

you know, the example that comes for me, if we talk about what are some of the worst things that have happened, and again, life, life adds up, we've all been through the wringer. But if I if I can just share a story, it's very personal, having to do with my mom, and I was in my early 20s, and I'm the youngest of four. And we, we knew something was wrong with her, we didn't really know what it was. And my parents called together, you know, a family meeting with actually a therapist, to kind of have this reveal. So we were all bracing for what it was. And unfortunately, it was terminal. And what we did not expect, though is that at that time, she had received a tainted blood transfusion and contracted HIV.

Unknown Speaker 11:59

And,

Unknown Speaker 12:00

you know, the next 10 years of, you know, being a caregiver and just seeing her through that, you know, toward the end, there were any number of times that we thought we loser, and we had, we had to go through that

Unknown Speaker 12:16

anguish about

Unknown Speaker 12:19

all that went into that, and then she pulled through, and we we'd have more time with her, and she'd get better. And this, this kept repeating. And after a while, it really just got to the point of you know, the anguish is bad enough as it is, you know, why put yourself through more than just dealing with what's happening. And, you know, that really is at the root of it. And, and, you know, she's gone, you know, be 25 years.

Unknown Speaker 12:47

So

Unknown Speaker 12:48

as, as, you know, hard and as it's been and was and for someone to hear it for the first time, what I really want to impart in a positive way is that that, you know, that experience with her? Certainly, you know, I would say the worst experience of my life is something that, you know, that that has helped me be stronger and recognize that

Unknown Speaker 13:13

I didn't, you know,

Unknown Speaker 13:14

no longer I know not to get caught up in, in things that aren't really happening.

Unknown Speaker 13:20

So there is a aspect of confidence that comes from our ability to look backwards in hindsight 2020 hindsight of taking a measurement of what we actually have accomplished and I think we tend to short that a little bit like in general always looking forward What's next? What do we want to do? What are our goals, but it's been there's a benefit to stopping for a moment, you know, smelling the roses in the in the present moment enjoying that which I just heard you talk about, you know, you were dealing with all these challenges as a family with your mother's help. And but there were a lot of moments there that you could appreciate and you can build confidence around because you worrying about things that didn't hadn't come to happen hadn't come to take place yet. past history present moment, what is your advice? What are your z isms for folks that are now looking to try to take things to the next level? Because I think that is the we project forward and, and have to wrestle with this imposter syndrome of you know, can I really do this? How do you help people get over that hump? How do you How have you helped yourself get over that hump and how does the book also make that impact or even conversations you've had through the podcast?

Unknown Speaker 14:36

Right Well, you know what, it's funny to kind of hear z isms used as an action verb in terms of the title of the book and I you know, I don't necessarily put it forth is you know, my z isms this or that, you know, the book has a reason why it's titled there's a story behind it in that way, but you really did touch on the right point Tobin which is in being Present, not not only recognizing that we don't necessarily have the answers for everything that we're going through, but if you step back from it by and large, things are probably generally speaking, okay? In the sense that your basic needs are met, you have a roof over your head, food in the fridge, hopefully, you're healthy. Hopefully everyone around you is healthy. Everything else is really circumstantial. And so when we look to the other side of our life experience, and staying present, that's really about gratitude. And I think everyone's you know, whether that's law of attraction, or just generally speaking, recognizing that being in the moment, you know, that's where the joy happens. That's where life enrichment

Unknown Speaker 15:43

is. And along the

Unknown Speaker 15:46

along the same lines, just from a, from a personal growth standpoint, there's some buy in here. And the question that I think is important to pose is, well, why be anything less than kind of yourself. And when people think about kindness, they think it's more toward others. But again, in this case, it's toward yourself. And in terms of personal development and growth, we have, you know, what we're striving for around confidence around self esteem, self love, some of these things can be really difficult to get your arms around. And, and, you know, like, I want that for myself, I want to feel that way about myself, I'm not really quite sure how to have have get it, it's, it's, it's elusive. But when you look at it from a vantage point of kindness? And of course, the answer is, Why be anything less than kind to yourself? That is a this or that answer, it really is the foundational building block for all of these things, including confidence itself. So if in any given circumstance, you really pose that question, is this, you know, a kind behavior? Am I am I being kind of myself or not? And if you're not, then the the obvious answer, Why be anything less than kind of yourself comes into play, of course, you shouldn't be doing that. And, and, you know, if there's any one significant takeaway, from the, you know, from the, from the conversation, I really do believe it's that is, is just be kind to yourself.

Unknown Speaker 17:24

I love how you brought kindness and confidence together, that that our ability to generate confidence is rooted in that not just kindness of others, that kind of is an overflow aspect of being, being our own best friend, nurturing ourselves in allowing that confidence to sort of grow and spill over naturally, when we aren't kind when we're really take care of ourselves in that place, as opposed to being hard because it's that, that inner voice that you know, if we're always talking down to ourselves and being negative, and I you can't do this and hearing that little voice inside, it's really hard to develop. I mean, that is the tearing away at the confidence brick by brick, so to speak.

Unknown Speaker 18:05

Right? Right. Yeah. And it's, again, comes down to that by in the same with just earn confidence overall. Yeah, you know, you've made it through everything you've made it through, you're going to make it through everything you're going through, and you'll make it through everything that is yet to come. And when you stay present, and you just deal with the real, you can stay focused, it also takes you away from things like regret, you know, that's rooted in the past, holding grudges. You know, when you think about forgiveness, and you think about that as being toward others. And of course it is, if you put yourself first and recognize, by forgiving somebody and letting go of those past feelings. It's really benefiting yourself, you're no longer having those past feelings, that you're harming yourself. That's not being kind to yourself. So these are ways that you wash away things that are in the past, like, needing meaning forgive the grudges that you're holding, or those regrets or not worrying or being anxious. Stay present. And you know, root in kindness, just draw the line in the sand. Be kind, and don't be unkind.

Unknown Speaker 19:14

Man, these, talk with us a little bit, share a little bit of your background because you've competed at a very high level as an athlete with the Olympic hockey team. What you've described sounds like I'm going to call them soft people skills, right? The the kindness aspects, the inner confidence, how have you been able to level yourself up into those highest levels because when when you're in a super competitive competitive environment, it doesn't always feel like those soft skills are what is needed to to keep you going in and allow you like what do you do for yourself when you when you've got that big challenge in front of you and it feels like a make or break moment?

Unknown Speaker 19:55

Sure, well, well, the half step back and I know we had the pre conversation And I did play in terms of Team USA, it wasn't near gone ice Team USA, right I was in, I was in that system, and I'm not an Olympian. As much as I would have ever loved to have been growing up, I think that sports, certainly along with, you know, if you have the background or structure of let's say, being in the military, and my wife's a vet, or, you know, being in the martial arts, those kinds of things that give you that foundational structure. And if you haven't had that, certainly, there are other ways to acquire those kinds of things through personal growth. That's your go to. So, you know, to your question Tobin, you know, in the moment by moment, and just remaining grounded, and, you know, keeping everything in front of you that, you know, again, is real, and recognize that you're not going to let your you know, energy management, and not let yourself be drained by the things that hold you back. who you're dealing with, has a lot to do with this, too. You know, there's a lot of these factors. But again, back to the the energy of it. are you dealing with someone who drains you or are people around you holding you back from being your better self? Those are things that are really important to consider in this entire topic, under that umbrella of earned confidence.

Unknown Speaker 21:25

I really like where you've taken us on this map, because we talked about kindness all the way through to energy management. And those are not often, at least for me, they've not been terms that I've heard associated with confidence. But I love the breadth of what you've described today. Can we as we wrap up, can you tell us a little bit more about the internship Institute? And really, where did that come from? I'd love to hear the you know, your why and the mission behind it?

Unknown Speaker 21:50

Right? Well, you know, internships are something that I've always been involved in and I had for, including the Philadelphia Phillies have worked for Warner Brothers studios for a number of years through college. And then my last internship went to my first job. And through all that, I'd always run the programs, I always go back and speak to the students. And again, the years add up. And I know somewhere in the three hundreds now of having that many interns and I went on my own it with a marketing firm in 2002. And I created a virtual Internship Program, which, which is somewhat of a specialty, and it requires more structure to run it, which the schools weren't really providing. And I decided that I was looking for a certain pivot around 2005 and six, and this is really what aligned with my my skills and my passion and experience and what I saw to be a market need. And and there really wasn't much happening in the space. It certainly there have been a lot of you would thinks, there. There's a lot of pivots that have been involved over the years. And I can't say that, it's it's probably the hardest thing I could possibly have tried and continue to do. But it's worth it, there's a lot to show for it. And the main thing that we do focus on are for employers even even solo or, you know, entrepreneurs, to help them set up these programs, especially now with COVID doing a lot of trainings around virtual internships, because the schools that have pride, you know, previously not been willing to award academic credit for virtual internships now have to so you know, what is that structure and I'm training the colleges at this point. But again, my focus is on setting those programs up, and making sure that are valuable to the employer so that they work, you know, for everybody else they sustain

Unknown Speaker 23:41

that hands on learning experiences is really coming to the front we have colleges and universities that are not able to host in person classes or if they are they're running into problems and this is sort of pandemic environment. Google just came out with their new certification programs of course they are very focused on the information technology space or computer science space but this is a topic that's that's going on in in multiple industries right now which is how do we get more people in with the skill set in in actually able to get their hands in not just theoretical or book knowledge that they're reading from their education so I love that aspect of matte finish up if you would make sure we we've got the right information. I'll share the book on the screen again. So folks can find that z isms insights to live by. How else could folks enter your world and stay in contact through you the book that podcast?

Unknown Speaker 24:34

Sure What are the the nonprofit or the nonprofit? Well work, I'll work backwards and your internship Institute is internship institute.org easy enough to find and lots of free resources there. Anybody in job transition? I guess you'll have show notes to Tobin but I'll mention student steps.org that's a free site with resources to help people you know find their way where everything else is concerned is In the book in the podcast, that's under Matt zinman Comm. And you know, whether it's there or on Amazon, the first part of the book is free to read. And again, as you mentioned,

Unknown Speaker 25:11

I'm not

Unknown Speaker 25:11

a coach, I wrote the book, you know, to be out for the masses, I've set an intention to personally enrich the lives of at least 100 million people by 2025. And I'm just getting started. So you know, thank you to anybody for for being part of that. But, you know, all I can ask is, you know, check it out, you read the first part of the book, and you'll know if you want to keep reading by making one your own.

Unknown Speaker 25:36

Thank you very much for having me.

Unknown Speaker 25:38

Yeah, we appreciate you taking the time to be on. Again for book of experts TV, we have some information in the show notes. So you can stay in touch with Matt and with our other experts at the book of experts community where we've got folks in all different areas, sharing what they do best their area of expertise with others. And of course, when you are a specialist in bring your genius to market into the impact of others. You also want to be surrounded by other experts. So you can call upon the folks that will strengthen what you do for yourself or for your clients. Your customers are the people that you can make the biggest impact with Matt, I appreciate you taking the time and thanks for joining us on book of experts TV.

Unknown Speaker 26:16

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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